Couples aren’t exempt from arguments but how you fight can either build or destroy your love life.
“All couples argue and those who tell you differently are probably in need of therapy. Nobody can agree with everyone all the time and when you add intense emotions to that, an argument is almost inevitable” says Faye Mokitlane, a Johannesburg-based relationship consultant.
Here are 6 rules to argue peacefully:
1. Don’t insult each other. Insulting each other during an argument is not only rude, it also indicates that your issues are far deeper than what you’re arguing about. Rather focus on why you’ve been holding onto those angry thoughts for so long waiting for a chance to hurt your partner.
2. Don’t forget to listen to your partner. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be heard but make sure that you also listen. Your partner will have some points to make that you should take into consideration.
3. Keep calm, raising your voice won’t make the situation better. If you’re shouting, you’ve crossed the of trying to communicate in a respectful manner causing the other person to shut down. Calm down, be an adult and use your normal voice patch.
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4. Stick to the topic at hand, bringing up old issues is counterproductive. Focus on what the argument is about and solve that. Other issues must be discussed at other times. People tend to bring up irrelevant issues during an argument that they’ve bottles up for a while, so by the time they argue, it al comes out. This can be destructive.
5. Know when to get a third part to intervene. If you find yourself in a situation where recurring arguments don’t get any better with time, the only way out is getting help because you clearly can’t reach any resolution. Seeing a therapist, or a pastor or even an elder that you both respect can help you come to some sort of resloution.
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6. Leave other people out of it. This may seem like a contradiction to the above point but it’s not. Learn that your feelings are enough to get your point accross; adding other people to it will most likely make your partner feel like they’re being discussed behind their backs.
