It can be challenging to know what to do if you suspect that a friend or someone you know is engaged in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. You could want to lend a hand but hold back out of concern that you’ll lose them as a friend or because you don’t think it’s your place to intervene.
Here are a few tips to help you talk to your friend courtesy of One Love:
Start a conversation
Schedule some alone time to speak with your friend. Start by complimenting your friend and saying things like, “You’re always so much fun to be around. You are missed! You can start expressing your concern about your friend in a calm manner after your friend is at ease. They may feel that their life is already chaotic enough, so you will need to be a steady support who they can openly and peacefully communicate with in order to be of the most assistance to them.
Be supportive
As you listen to your friend, allow them to talk about the matter on their terms. The conversation should not be forced. Remind your friend that you care about them and that you are here to listen even if it could be quite difficult for them to talk about their relationship.
Do not place the blame on your friend
Help your friend realize that the behaviors they are experiencing are not typical and that it is NOT their fault that their partner is behaving in this way. Reassure them that this is not the case because they may feel personally accountable for their partner’s actions or as though they initiated the abuse. Abuse is never acceptable, and each person is accountable for their own actions.
Offer solutions to your friend
Giving your friend choices is the best approach for you to assist them. Instead of pressuring your buddy to choose a specific course of action, reassure them that you will be there for them no matter what they pick. When handling the situation, be composed and be receptive to what your friend feels most comfortable doing. It’s possible that your friend will try to hide or minimize the abuse when you advise getting help. Make your friend feel in charge of the situation by assuring them that they are the expert in their own lives.
Also see: How to deal with a friendship breakup
