How do you express your love for your partner? Through words of affirmation? Physical touch? How about through acts of service? These are some ways you can communicate your love, but do you understand this language?
In 1992, marriage counsellor Dr Gary Chapman first introduced the concept in his book The 5 Love Languages.
The five love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
Healthline explains each of the above.
Words of affirmation
This is all about expressing affection and appreciation through words, be it via text, spoken, written, or all of the above. While expressing your love, it is important to be authentic and express yourself often.
This may be your love language if you like:
- Being told that you are appreciated.
- Hearing “I love you” often.
- Receiving words of encouragement.
Here are some examples of words of affirmation:
- “I love you.”
- “I’m so proud of you.”
- “You got this.”
Quality time
A person who chooses this type of love language may feel most loved and appreciated when others care about making time to be together and give their undivided attention.
For some, quality time may be valued with a few minutes of dedicated time just to sit and relax together, while for others it could mean setting aside time to enjoy activities together.
This may be your love language if:
- There is disconnection when you don’t spend enough time with a partner.
- Not spending enough time with your significant other affects your libido.
- You work hard at making time to spend with others.
Here are some examples of quality time:
- Creating a ritual, like meeting for lunch once a week.
- Cuddling together in bed for a few minutes every morning before getting up.
- Making a point of having a date night every week.
Physical touch
It is important to note that this love language needs to be appropriate, and consensual. Healthline states that expressing and receiving love through physical contact is important as it is how people connect with others.
This may be your love language if:
- You consider yourself a “touchy-feely” person and enjoy public displays of affection (PDA).
- You feel especially loved when a partner randomly kisses you or holds you.
- You feel lonely or disconnected when you don’t get physical affection from your partner.
Here are some examples of physical touch:
- Greeting your partner with a kiss.
- Using touch when comforting your partner, for example, placing your hand on theirs or holding them.
- Prioritising sex, even if you have to schedule it.
Acts of service
This love language will resonate with people who believe that actions always speak louder than words – these actions are selfless and thoughtful gestures and do not necessarily need to be romantic in nature.
This may be your love language if:
- You are the person who shows up for a friend having a bad day.
- You are always ready to jump in and do things for the people you care about.
- You are ecstatic when a partner helps you with a chore without having to be asked.
Here are some examples of acts of service:
- Drawing a partner a bubble bath without any sexpectations.
- Taking your partner to dinner without it being a special occasion or asked for.
- Picking up their favourite something (for example, chocolate or wine), just because.
Receiving gifts
For someone who prefers this love language, it is not about them being a so-called gold digger. Instead, it is all about the meaning behind the gift and the thought that went into it.
This may be your love language if:
- You put time into choosing the most thoughtful gift.
- You treasure everything your partner gives you, no matter how small.
- You are hurt when your loved one does not commemorate an event with a thoughtful token.
Here are some examples of receiving gifts:
- Choosing gifts that are personal to your relationship.
- Picking up their favourite food on your way home.
- Surprising your partner with flowers.
Healthline concludes, “Everyone has a different way of communicating their love. While you shouldn’t take it as gospel, the love languages could be a helpful starting point on your way to understanding each other better.”
