It must be a bit heartbreaking to watch your child detach from you as they grow older. During their toddler years, they would talk just about everything with you, filling you in on their day at school and asking a whole lot of questions about everything.
Once they get to their adolescent stage, they start talking less (to you at least), and they enjoy time with their friends more than your company. Daniel Wong, a teen coach, states that teenagers tend to disconnect from their parents due to their need for social acceptance.
The Ashely Hudson Therapy publication states some of the reasons why your teen might not confide in you as a parent. It is because they are:
- Unable to put their feelings into words
- Feeling anxious and stressed
- Afraid to disappoint you
- Predict a negative response from you
- Assume you don’t trust them
- Avoiding an interrogation from you
Pediatric psychologist Vanessa Jensen, suggested techniques that have proven to work in revamping the relationship between parents and their teenagers.
Understand that times are different: According to Dr. Jensen, today’s kids deal with a lot of stress because of the fast-paced nature of life, which includes school, college admission rates, student debt, and the possibility of gun violence. Although parents may find it difficult to relate to these difficulties, it’s important to recognise that this is the reality teens live in, on top of them trying to find themselves.
Initiate conversations: Although parents talk to their teenagers frequently, it might be harmful to not give them your complete attention. According to the psychologist mentioned above, parents might find it challenging to bring up touchy or challenging subjects. “But if you’re driving, you can’t see their face. And they don’t have to look at yours. Not having to see your reactions sometimes makes them more likely to keep talking.”
Manage your emotions: Vanessa claims that teenagers can act out of character when expressing their feelings, like yelling or saying cruel things. “It’s important to understand their actions. Practice effective communication techniques by not raising your voice and taking a break when feeling overwhelmed.” The psychologist suggests that, in spite of your teen’s behaviour, remain composed and show your child that they can discuss anything with you.
Validate their feelings: The doctor also suggests that you validate your teen’s feelings by reassuring them that they are safe and don’t try to “fix” or diminish their problems. She advises that parents must not expect outstanding or perfect results from their teens all the time. “Instead, let them be heartbroken and support them. If they don’t make the varsity team, don’t immediately sign them up for training camps. If they express concern about their mental health, don’t debate or question them.”
Also see: When is the right time for children to start using social media
