When I was growing up, you had to make a phone date with a friend or the girl you liked to ensure they were at home to take your call on a landline.
First cellphones changed that, but WhatsApp chat groups have revolutionised the game – sometimes to the point of being annoyingly relentless, writes Gasant Abarder in a new #SliceofGasant column.
Every day I’m spammed by hundreds of WhatsApp group messages and am added to a few dozen others every other week. I’m not alone – I’d hazard to guess – because I know of only two adults that are not on WhatsApp.
It gets worse for me. I’m the inbox zero kind. I can’t rest until I have zero unread messages while others are quite happy to have a few thousand unread messages. It’s my FOMO. I just have to know.
There are various categories of WhatsApp chats. There are the community groups divided into different chats like security alerts, the general chat, a marketplace and so on.
In this particular group, I lasted all of two weeks because I’m too lippy for my own good. I removed myself because I was breaking the rules.
Then, because I coach girls’ junior football, I belong to at least five different chats. Parents need to be reminded constantly about training, lifts, which colour socks we’re wearing and match day details.
For my sins, I’m also a parent grade rep at my daughter’s high school. My job is to convey urgent notices and information and then pass on concerns up stream for the range of queries the original message elicits.
Then there are about four or five work WhatsApp chats and you have to have your wits about you because work politics will politic. If you say the wrong thing on the wrong chat, things can get very awkward.
But perhaps the most fraught are family WhatsApp chats. Sometimes the way things are said or received can cause major disputes. And instead of physically leaving the family gathering in a huff, that fatal message – Gasant Abarder has left the chat, appears on the timeline like a tombstone.
To navigate the business of WhatsApp chats safely it helps to know the types of personalities common to most conversations:
- The Grammar and Spelling Cop: I started off being this person, always correcting everyone’s language usage and incorrect spelling. I stopped when I realised how annoying I was.
- The Careless Whisperer: This person lacks tact and always seems to ruin a surprise or discloses secrets that are not meant for the entire group.
- The Meme Motivator: This person sends copyrighted quotes on pretty backgrounds they’ve nicked from Google as their way of greeting – leaving everyone with a gem of wisdom each morning.
- The Silent Watcher: There is always someone on the chat that never participates. Be careful because you may easily forget they’re on the chat and say something offensive about them.
- The Emoji Merchant: This person chats in emojis and doesn’t seem to appreciate the beauty of language. They will exclusively reply with emojis and on the rare occasion offer a LOL or LMFAO. (Until a few months ago my mom thought LOL meant ‘love you lots’. Cute!)
- The Sticker Warrior: I also fall into this category. I have a sticker for every occasion and a correctly timed one in response to a message can be a source for great humour. They deal almost exclusively in stickers. Typing is a lot of effort.
- The Voice Artist: Some fellows have thick fingers, I guess, and can’t be bothered to send a written message. And it’s almost always the types who will make the most inappropriate, expletive-laden comments.
- The Fakebook Fiend: Our moms are the biggest culprits of unwittingly spreading fake news. There are mischief makers who forward fake news and simply because it’s written down our uncles and aunties believe it and forward it to their chats like it’s the gospel.
- The Porn Poster: There is always that one guy in the group that will have you blushing, especially if once the picture they’ve posted finally becomes clear after you’ve downloaded it during a meeting with the boss.
WhatsApp is a great platform that has changed the way we interface. You can be close to loved ones from across continents and make video and audio calls too.
There are two chats that have helped me through some trying times. Both are related to football. One is the ‘Glory, Glory Man United’ chat and the fellows from my Woodstock Wanderers Football Club. You can say just about anything to anyone in these chats without fear of ever offending. But it is also a safe space to share your fears, emotions, happiness and sadness.
The platform is here to stay and is part of life. You don’t have to reply to every message in the chat or take the bait. By knowing the characters, you’ll safely navigate your way through the daily highway of messages pinging on your phone.
And thank heavens for the edit and delete functionality!
Compiled by Adrienne Bredeveldt
First published by Cape Town etc
Also see: Internet shares hilarious reason why they exited family WhatsApp groups
