Have you ever dealt with someone, be it a friend, partner or colleague, who always managed to invalidate your feelings and views to a point where you would sometimes believe that you overreact and that it’s all in your head? That has to be the most annoying thing to go through.
That is what being gaslighted looks like when the Allianz Care publication further explains it, it states that gaslighting is a “Manipulative behaviour that attempts to make you question your memories or perception of reality and can even make you think you’re going crazy.” It is mentioned that this tactic is used by people to gain power and control over others.
It is important to know how to conduct yourself in a situation like this, you need to have the upper hand and refuse to believe what is not true about yourself. The following are a few strategies you can use to handle being gaslighted:
Remove yourself from the issue for a while: At this point, you are probably fuming with strong emotions such as anger and maybe fear which is understandable. However, Healthline states that it’s important to remain calm and focus on the truth as this can prevent the person from manipulating you further. “You might want to deny what the person trying to gaslight you has said — after all, it’s completely untrue. But they may not back down, and your distress can encourage them to keep trying to manipulate you.”
Set boundaries: According to Simply Psychology, it is important that you establish clear boundaries with the gaslighter and refuse to be manipulated. “Setting boundaries will enable you to take back control. However, be mindful of the fact that the gaslighter may attempt to break down or test your boundaries. Thus, it is important to remain firm and consistent.”
Reconnect with yourself: As gaslighting might have taken a lot from you, in a way that you end up not trusting yourself, Mind Body Green advises that this is an opportunity to reconnect with your identity by writing about yourself, your love, fears, and feelings. It is stated that this will help you “Get in touch with the you that you may have lost.” Writing down your feelings according to the publication helps you release them from your mind and prevents overanalysing.
Practise forgiveness: The above publication clearly states that you are doing this for yourself, it is not to say that the gaslighter was right but it’s solely for your well-being. “Most importantly, it’s time to forgive yourself. Remember that you are enough and always have been enough. You didn’t do anything to ‘make’ the gaslighter behave a certain way.”