Can you recall the time when your parents apologised to you? Or did you just notice them suddenly being super nice to you, as a sign of wanting a truce?
For many parents, apologising to their kids feels like walking a tightrope, balancing authority with vulnerability. Could it be pride, fear of losing respect, or simply not knowing how? We’ll explore what experts say is the reason why parents often struggle to apologise to their kids.
According to Kaya 959, parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents often struggle with apologising when they’re wrong, either because they don’t know how to or haven’t been taught to do so. Some apologise by spoiling them with gifts or acts of service, the publication continues.
Parents may believe that they can purchase moral immunity by being the providers and buy their way out of ever having to ask for forgiveness, states Psychology Today. However, it is stated that a parent may show the utmost generosity to a child yet hurt the child as well.
“Parents may also think, perhaps, that they have the sole authority to determine the rules in the household and that they can choose to make rules that simply do not apply to them.”
“The problem with such double standards is obvious though unhealthy family dynamics or fear of direct confrontation may keep the issue from ever making its way into conversation. Sometimes, however, parents know that they have acted wrongly and may even confess to someone, just not to the child they’ve wronged.”
The As They Grow publication believes that it is important to apologise to your children for your mistakes, regardless of their age. “How can I expect my children to apologise when they have done wrong if I’m not prepared to do the same? Kids model their behaviour on what they see. If we don’t hurt people, then they are unlikely to either. Equally, if we’re not prepared to apologise, then why should they be?”
Also see: Signs that you were raised by emotionally immature parents
