It’s been said that behind every successful man, is a strong, wise and hardworking woman. We speak to four women in relationships with celebrity men, to uncover the secret to their contentment.
Actress Thembisa Kani
My relationship
I met my husband,Atandwa in 2004 at Wits University where we were both studying dramatic arts. Ours is the usual college sweetheart story: guy meets girl, they become best friends, date other people and guy finally tells girl he loves her. We obviously had the break-ups to make-ups that all young people go through, but we could never stay away from each other. We got married in 2012 and have twin boys.
Public vs Private
We try to keep our relationship as private as possible; it’s something we didn’t even need to speak about as it came naturally for us. We both come from prominent, yet private families who never bothered with fame. That’s how we grew up and that’s how we raise our children. We don’t really have a formula for keeping our marriage private, we just are private people.
Making it work
The benefit of keeping our relationship out of the spotlight is that we have privasy. People don’t pry or bother with your relationship when you do this. The minute the outside determines your relationship, it really is no longer yours. I don’t pay much attention to what’s said about us on social media or about his female fans…worrying about such things is never on my to-do list.
My love advice
Relationships have no specific formula. You run your relationship according to who you are and not to what others might say or see. If you do that, you’ll be playing a game you’ll never win.
Journalist, Morna Phatudi
My relationship
I met my fiancé, Sthembiso SK Khoza, in 2005. I’d seen him around campus, at the University of Johannesburg. I’m observant and he’s attractive, I couldn’t have missed him. I didn’t know if he knew I existed, until he stepped up to me in a club in Midrand and uttered the words “I’ve seen you around campus.” We dated soon after that until we drifted apart when I dropped out of varsity. We never officially broke up and by some work of fate, we met again in 2010 and found it hard to deny ourselves the opportunity to be together. SK is super sweet, kind-hearted, loving and sensitive, which is reflected in how he treats people. He taught me how to love. I’ll never forget that.
Public vs Private
Being with someone in the public eye is great because it opens my eyes to more than I would’ve been exposed to if I was dating someone in a different position. Apart from that, it’s pretty normal. Keeping our relationship private was an unconscious decision that we both made to keep our family life in the family. The biggest benefit of keeping our relationship private is that we get to avoid unnecessary pressures and distractions. We do share pictures of each other on social media but as far as the details of our relationship go, nobody needs to know, because nobody needs to have an opinion about it and we don’t need the distractions. We don’t let anybody walk through our minds and leave opinions of how things should be. We have each other’s expectations to handle and each other’s needs to fulfil and that’s enough. We might miss certain things because we don’t have a third party’s perspective, but we learn from our own experiences. There’s also the aspect of groupies and social media, I try not to entertain those kinds of things. I prefer that he handles them, because they are part of his world. If I notice someone being a tad too sassy, I ask him to put them in check. He’s the type to ignore what he feels is nonsense and I respect and accept that. I understand that social media is a playground for societal interactions; good and bad will come from it. For example my weave’s been dissed in blog comments and I had to scroll up to check myself out again and nod in agreement, laugh it off and move on to the next post. As long as no one is being disrespectful, I’m fine with it.
Making it work
I make my relationship work because I’m committed to it and I take my commitments seriously. I don’t see the spotlight. I see a relationship I chose to be in, with a man I love. We maintain our relationship by respecting our commitment to each other, by talking and teaching each other how to be better people so that we can make each other happy. So many things can and do go wrong in between all of that. Making decisions that suit us both and keep the love alive is what keeps us together. I don’t feel pressure from anybody and neither does he, but I have pressure that I put on myself, like being supportive of what and who he wants to be, making sure that I’m 100% #TeamSK. I’m in a position to learn everything about him and give him honest criticism, unpretentious compliments and unlimited encouragement so that he can be the best version of himself out there. I’ve had to learn that I’m sharing him with a lot of people and I’ve accepted that, as long as he puts family first. His job makes him happy and I want him to be happy.
My love advice
Respect each other and respect your decision to be together, that way you won’t want any harm to come to what you have. Love doesn’t make relationships – genuine commitment, effort and nurturing make a fruitful relationship. Treat the things that make you happy with delicacy because they contribute towards your sanity and well-being.
TV and radio personality, Thabiso Sikwane
My relationship
I met my husband, Thato (popularly known as DJ Fresh) on a bus from Botswana in 1996. I won’t say it was love at first sight but we had a strong connection. There was something about him that I found very attractive. Before even speaking to him (which didn’t happen until a few months after we met), he had this energy that drew me in. I realised he was “the one” when I went to his place for the first time. I was so thirsty and I asked him for something to drink. He told me to go to the kitchen and help myself. I saw he had Oros. That’s when I knew he was the one. Like me, he loved the cool drink too and made it similarly to how I made it. It only hit me later that he might have just been saying that to please me.
Public vs Private
Being married to someone in the public eye is like any other marriagem You work together to add value to each other’s lives and want to help each other achieve your dreams. I stand by his side proudly and am proud of his achievements. He is hardworking and intelligent and I appreciate that he works with integrity as best as he can. Keeping our relationship private is simple. The type of work we do puts us in the public eye so if we’re out for work; there is no need for our private life to be public knowledge. We didn’t sit and talk about how we would keep our relationship away from the spotlight, it just happened. It’s just the way we live. The one thing we are firm on is that our children not be part of what we do for a living. Of course there are social media critics and female fans that come with being with someone in the lime light. I never really bother with Twitter or Facebook and hardly ever know what’s being said. With time, I have grown to appreciate fans but I also teach them how to treat me, which is to give me respect as Thato’s wife.
Making it work
What has worked for us is knowing that marriage is hard work. Respect, communication and keeping things fun and exciting work well. I refer to him as “my boyfriend” and “auti ya ka” (my boy). The spotlight that comes with us being public figures is something I never think of. My main concern is always that I have a responsibility to my family to represent our marriage in a way that will never cause them embarrassment or hurt.
My love advice
The most important thing that my father taught me was to “teach people how to treat you and to love yourself.” This will help you take care of yourself within relationships. When you love yourself, you won’t let anyone mistreat you and it is easier to walk away when someone treats you like anything less than the queen that you are.
SABC sports presenter, Mpho Maboi
My relationship
I met soccer star, Reneilwe (popularly known as Yeye) a few years ago at Teko Modise’s birthday party. Being in sport, we happened to move in the same circles. He’s a kind, gentle soul and very reserved, slightly different to me because I talk a lot. I like that about him.
Public vs Private
I’ve never been one to talk about my personal life. To this day I maintain that my personal life has nothing to do with anything. I’ve dated personalities before but the only reason people found out about Reneilwe and I was because I fell pregnant with our son, Thato. People have no business knowing who you wake up next to. We are no longer together but have maintained a strong friendship, which ensures that we can overcome any challenge or obstacle that we encounter as a unit. So when a journalist calls one about the other, we immediately inform each other. We discuss a lot of things that involve our son as everything we do is for his greater good. Many articles have been written about our so called bitter relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth. My way of dealing with it all is by ignoring all the nonsense. Many people attack me about having a child with Yeye as though I should be ashamed. I have an amazing son. Nothing could be better.
Making it work
We have no one to please and are doing the right thing for Thato. We don’t aim to be a certain way. We work towards a common goal without having total strangers who know nothing about it adding their two cents. Yeye and I talk about everything. We maintain a close bond over and above Thato.
My love advice
Do what works best for the two of you. Keep the lines of communication open at all times. If you have a disagreement, always remember that this is not about you but the child. Your child never asked to be born so do what’s best for them and remove your own personal issues with each other from the picture. And ladies, stop using children as bargaining chips. They are not pawns!
Make-up: Nomsa Madida
Stylist: Nondumiso Mazwi and Nqobile Tshalata (Dainty Frocks)
Thabiso Sikwane’s hair by Thakane Ditsheho
