Oftentimes we associate self harm with it being physical and neglect the harm that causes our mental health when one indulges in behaviours which an individual’s uses or has formed as a way to respond or cope with difficult situations.
According to relationship coach Kasturi M, many times we as humans have the tendency to to only consider self-harm as something that is “visible to our eyes,” however, the relationship coach expresses that self-sabotage is the “invisible self-harm that costs us our long term peace.”
The relationship coach best describes self- harm as the belief and behaviours that prevents an individual from achieving their goals.
What causes self-sabotaging behavior?
In the book Stop Self Sabotage, Dr. Judy Ho explains self-destructive behavior as a biological response. We get a boost in dopamine (the feel-good neurotransmitter) by setting goals. But when it’s time to complete them, the fear of failure triggers avoidant behaviors. In order to avoid the “threat,” we subconsciously start to shy away from our goals. This is called the approach-avoidance conflict.
Self-sabotaging happens when there’s a mismatch between our values and our behavior. It’s most likely when we have to either do something that doesn’t align with what we really want. Conversely, it might be that we know what we want but do something that doesn’t help us get there.
Self-harm is formed by our brains as a coping mechanism to protect us from hurt, negativity and anxiety.
According to Kasturi here are behaviours that are actually self-harm to your mental well being which therefore prevents you from achieving your goals and aspirations.
- Saying yes to everyone and everything
- Speaking poorly about yourself
- Remaining in touch with who people disrespect you
- Denying yourself things that can enhance your quality of life
- Getting too much or too little
- Getting attached to people, knowing they don’t feel the same
- Using sex as a strategy to receive love
Also see: How to release emotional baggages
