Relationships are complex, and partners sometimes grow apart over time. Life, career and business coach Penny Holburn says generally, most relationships fail because people don’t know themselves or their partner well enough and lack relationship skills. ‘When it comes to our careers, we understand that we need to get educated and get experience. The same applies to relationships. You need knowledge and skills to make them work.’
A failed relationship is not a bad thing
‘When we started to learn to walk, we didn’t get it right the first time. You are not a bad person or a failure if a relationship does not work. It is a sign that you have some learning to do. You need to do some personal work and learn how to make your relationships work,’ adds Penny
If we hold on to fear, two things can happen
‘We lose out on everything that a relationship can bring: support, companionship, care,’ says Penny. A second thing is that if you do get into another relationship, but you are scared because past relationships have failed, you may be constantly watching out to see if things are going wrong, and so you cannot relax and enjoy the relationship. ‘It becomes exhausting trying to monitor the relationship the whole time. You may also find yourself picking on your partner constantly, which may eventually result in a self fulfilling prophecy as the relationship fails,’ adds Penny.
So what do you do if you decide to throw all caution to the wind and let someone into your life again?
‘If something concerns you, get used to discussing it with your partner. You may realise you can work things out. However, if your partner feels they are always right, and doesn’t care about your feelings and opinions, then you are probably involved with a narcissist or sociopath. Run far away from such a person,’ urges Penny.
Tips from relationship experts:
- Being vulnerable is a sign of strength. It means displaying how you really feel – no more acting tough or hiding emotions.
- Ignore your inner critic and challenge yourself to help you overcome the fear of falling in love.
- When you expect too much, you’re more likely to be disappointed. But have some standards that will also apply to both of you.
- Believe in yourself and be positive.
- Look forward to meeting someone and loving again!
Also see:How to be a supportive partner in a relationship
