Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world, it’s harder when you’re doing it from far. Here’s a look at some of the challenges and how best to handle them.
Keep talking
Communicating with your child is one of the easiest ways of keeping in contact with them and staying involved in what is happening in their lives on a daily basis. Communicate often – this is probably the most important factor for keeping in touch with your child that will help them to adjust to the situation. The one downfall of long distance parenting is that you won’t be there to give them a hug when they need it, so make sure that when you talk to your child you stay upbeat, enthusiastic and positive – listen to what they have to say and show an interest in all the little details in their lives. This will help them feel important, cared for and loved.
Tip: Always end conversations with your own personal “sign-out” message like, “I love you. Miss you lots.”
Plan ahead
Separation hurts and is not normal in a family, so your little one will need to know when they will see you again. Knowing this will help them deal with the separation. Not knowing when they will see you again can cause stress, which could have a negative effect on their schoolwork. And for a young child, the time between one visit and the next can feel much longer than it actually is.
Tip: Plan a schedule of your visits in advance so that everyone knows what to expect.
Technology is your friend
Technology certainly makes our lives easier especially for long distant parenting. Cellphones, laptops, tablets, computers, emailing, instant messaging, Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp, WeChat, Skyping etc. Technology will make your long distance relationship richer and more rewarding. A quick SMS can mean a lot to a child just before an important event. whether its a sports event, dental appointment, a friend’s birthday party or a big test at school it’s up to you to keep a diary of activities taking place in your childs life. A brief chat is fine every now and again, but don’t underestimate the power of seeing one another, talking, watching their expressions and seeing them laugh.
Tip: Get into the habit of sending a “Hello” and “Good night” SMS at the start and end of each day.
Discipline
Long distant parenting can make you feel as if you are losing control of your everyday duties as a mother. But this doesn’t have to be the case. Do not stop disciplining your child because you feel guilty, you want things to be “nice and comfortable”, or because you are scared your child will rebel and reject you. Now, more than ever, your child needs to understand that distance doesn’t change the “rules” at home. It’s not a reason to break the rules and take advantage of the situation. You need to continue being consistent regarding family values, and loving your child does sometimes mean saying “No”.
Tip: Don’t feel guilty about reprimanding your child. You are working away from home to benefit the family – it’s part of life.
Respect
Along the same lines as discipline, your child needs to understand that a caregiver, whether it be an aunt or gogo, takes care of them on your behalf, so they must respect them as if it were you. The caregiver must be an extension of you, someone who won’t allow the “rules to be bent” just because mom’s away, and also won’t try to be better than you. They need to understand that you will always be their mother, and must respect you for sacrificing life at home, to afford them a lifestyle and financial support for a better future.
Tip: Have regular chats with the caregiver to make sure there are no problems.
Quality time
Don’t forget, when you’re at home with your children – irrespective of whether it’s for a weekend visit or not, make this time together memorable. Besides family time, children cherish time alone with a parent they haven’t seen in a while, so plan some one-on-one time to do things together – from helping with school projects, going to a movie, trying out a new recipe for supper, or just watching TV together.
Tip: Time together can be limited, so plan on a family outing to the beach for example, where everyone can get involved.
There’s no doubt about it, long distance parenting is a challenge but by showing love, having a plan, communicating and staying involved in your child’s life, it is possible to achieve.
