Co-parenting requires for two people who have children together to put aside their differences and find ways to raise their kids with each other. Both parents have to be patient with each other, be empathetic and create open communication lines with each other. This is often easier said than done as sometimes there might be sensitivity that stems from the couple’s break-up.
Regardless of the relationship between the parents not having worked, it is still their responsibility to raise their kids in a way that will see them equally enjoying each parent in a healthy and happy manner. Below are four co-parenting don’ts, that may hinder a smooth co-parenting relationship, as provided by Psychology Today.
- Don’t jump to conclusions or condemn your ex.When you hear things from your children that make you bristle, take a breath and remain quiet. Remember that any negative comments your children make are often best taken with a grain of salt. It’s always good to remain neutral when things like this happen. Research shows that your child can learn to resent and distrust you if you cheer them on.
- Don’t be an unbalanced parent. Resist being the fun guy or the cool mom when your children are with you. Doing so backfires once they return to your ex and sets into motion a cycle of resentment, hostility, and a reluctance to follow rules for all involved. Remember that children develop best with a united front. Co-parenting with a healthy dose of fun, structure, and predictability is a win-win for everyone.
- Don’t burden your child. Emotionally charged issues about your ex should never be part of your parenting. Never sabotage your child’s relationship with your ex by trash-talking. Never use your child to gain information about things going on or to sway your ex about an issue. The main thing here is this: Don’t expose children to conflict. Research shows that putting children in the middle of your adult issues promotes feelings of helplessness and insecurity, causing children to question their own strengths and abilities.
- Don’t accuse. Discuss. Never remain quiet if something about your ex’s co-parenting is troubling you. If you don’t have a good personal relationship with your ex, create a working business arrangement. Communication about co-parenting is extremely vital for your child’s healthy development. No finger-pointing or you-keep-doing-this kind of talk. The best approach when communicating is to make your child the focal point: “I see the kids doing this-and-that after they return home from their visit. Any ideas of what we can do?” Notice there’s not one “you” word in there. No accusatory tone or finger-pointing either.
Also see: How to tell your kids you’re divorcing
