If you find it difficult to ask for help, prefer handling things alone, and struggle to trust others with tasks, you might be experiencing hyper-independence. While being self-sufficient is a great quality, there’s a fine line between independence and pushing people away, often without realising it.
Psychology Today states that hyper-independence is the extreme need to do things without relying on others. It is stated that psychologists link it to past trauma, fear of disappointment, or a need for control. It’s commonly seen in individuals who have faced neglect, betrayal, or difficult childhood experiences, making them believe they can only rely on themselves, explains the mentioned publication.
Clinical psychologist Dr Lindiwe Mokoena explains, “Hyper-independence often develops as a survival mechanism. If someone has been let down too many times, they may start believing that depending on others is a weakness.”
Signs you might be hyper-independent according to the above-mentioned psychologist.
- Struggling to ask for help, even when overwhelmed
- Feeling anxious or irritated when others try to assist
- Preferring to work alone rather than in teams
- Finding it hard to trust others with responsibilities
- Feeling guilty or uncomfortable when relying on others
The Harvard Business Review states that while this mindset can make you highly capable, it can also lead to burnout, isolation, and strained relationships.
Hyper-independence is often associated with anxiety, perfectionism, and even post-traumatic stress disorder, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. It is mentioned that constantly carrying the weight of everything alone can lead to emotional exhaustion and stress-related health issues.
Dr Lindiwe notes, “Many hyper-independent individuals don’t recognise the emotional toll it takes until they’re completely overwhelmed.”
If you resonate with these traits, there are ways to soften the edges of hyper-independence without losing your sense of self-reliance: The above institute suggests that you:
Practice asking for help: Start small, like letting someone carry your groceries or help with a task at work.
Challenge your beliefs: Remind yourself that needing support doesn’t mean weakness.
Strengthen relationships: Trust is built over time. Allow people to show they can be dependable.
Therapy and self-reflection: Speaking to a therapist can help unpack the root cause of hyper-independence and create healthier habits.
Independence is a strength, but even the strongest people need a support system. Finding the balance between self-sufficiency and healthy interdependence is the key to thriving, not just surviving.
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