Could it be love if it’s giving obsession vibes? Sure, it is possible to love someone so much or maybe have feelings of infatuation towards them, but all that can be done subtly and appropriately without creeping anyone out.
What happens when your feelings become obsessively intense and out of control? That is what experts regard as limerence. According to the Cleveland Clinic, limerence is an involuntary attachment to another person, also known as a “limerent object,” that takes on an obsessive quality. This connection is said to be similar to addiction and compulsive behaviours, altering mental and biological states.
“A person in limerence may not want to feel this way. The limerent object might not even be their ‘type’. But something about that person’s drawing them in and really triggering them. Limerence usually involves intense sexual desire, but it doesn’t have to, platonic limerence between friends, while rare, can happen.”
The clinic adds on to mention that this behaviour is due to a deficiency in certain neurotransmitters, which are a primary driver of dependency, reflecting experiences of addiction, withdrawal, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. It is stated that other factors that may make someone more susceptible to limerence include insecure attachment, trauma, low self-esteem, and social media use.
Love, on the other hand, is more stable and enduring, involving a realistic understanding of the other person and can exist unconditionally, states Better Help. Both types can take a toll on one’s mental and emotional well-being, while limerence can be detrimental.
“If you’re unsure whether you’re feeling healthy love or limerence, it may be helpful to consider your overall mental state. The main difference is that limerence can take a mental and emotional toll, while love often contributes positively to well-being and is typified by mutual respect, support, and intimate connection.”
Psychology Today mentions that limerence can end with sadness, agony, or indifference, with two typical endings: consummation, and starvation.
“Under consummation, the person in a limerent state discovers the object of their desire also has a desire for them and engages in a physical or romantic relationship. This often causes the spell to break, and the limerent person to move on with their life.
The publication continues to explain that with starvation, “The limerent individual is never able to find reciprocity from the object of their desire. Once hope is gone, the feeling dissipates. This may cause the individual tremendous sadness, but it may also be a relief that it’s over.”
Also see: Conflict in relationships: How to deal with stonewalling
