The holiday season is a time spent with family and is filled with love and joy but sometimes that joy is can be snatched away from a toxic family member.
Dr Ashlee Greer – a trauma expert who has a PhD in counselling psychology – explains that a toxic family member is someone who does not respect your boundaries or makes you feel guilty for having feelings and expressing yourself.
She further explains that toxicity is not only physical abuse or something horrible happening. “It can be as simple as emotional invalidation. Emotional invalidation is when you’re told that your emotions are wrong and you can’t trust yourself or your inner world. This might look like being told to stop crying when you hurt yourself, to stop being so dramatic when you’re sad, or to be quiet when you talk excitedly about your day.”
A family member saying something similar to the above at the dinner table is bound to happen. So, see below a few ways to help you cope with your toxic family member throughout the holiday season.
Set a time limit
If you arrived to your family’s house with your partner, discuss with them ahead of time how long you plan to stay and set a clear time limit for festivities, says Toxic Ties (a blog that offers support, education and empowerment to people in toxic relationships). This allows you less time with the toxic individual.
Don’t overcompensate
It may seem like you have to put on your biggest, fakest smile and pretend you are having a ball of a time. Toxic Ties shares that you should avoid doing so as it will only make you exhausted.
Establish boundaries
“Establishing boundaries can help you prevent your emotions from escalating and spiralling out of control during the holidays,” says DK Therapy – a website founded by licensed clinical professional counsellor (LCPC) and certified Gottman therapist, Danielle Kepler. An example of establishing boundaries can include letting the toxic family member know ahead of time that you will not be attending any holiday celebrations with them if they make nasty remarks towards you.
Prioritise self-care
During this busy time, you should also make time for yourself. This may include any restorative activity that helps you feel calm, says DK Therapy.
