You may find it necessary to impress people so that they like you, but this can be overwhelming if you don’t feel good about yourself.
Johannesburg-based cognitive coach Robin Lauren says this has to do with a negative subconscious belief that has an influence on how you feel and, therefore, behave. An example is when you fail your driver’s license several times and begin to think of yourself as a failure. You thus adopt the core belief that you are not good enough and could never be as good as everyone else. Lauren says this is because the unsuccessful incidents make you feel insecure about giving yourself another chance.
Where it comes from
According to Lauren, many common daily challenges such as stress, lack of confidence, loss of meaning and purpose, as well as poor communication skills lead to negativity, which can hinder your success. This triggers an unhealthy thinking ability, resulting in irrational thinking.
Dealing with it
Instead of ignoring your insecurities and staying clear of everything that makes you feel inadequate, face it head-on.Lauren advises that you deal with it by being aware of your faults and acknowledging your detrimental emotions. Seeing a psychologist or counsellor can be the first step to finding a way to tackle your insecurities.
Getting your confidence back
You are insecure because you do not have enough confidence in yourself. Showing a brave face can’t be easy if you are nervous or unsure of something. Lauren says you need to fake it till you make it by forcing positive behaviours consistently.’Say something positive to yourself every morning, and dress the part so you can feel good about yourself physically and mentally,’ she encourages.
Surround yourself with people that uplift you and make you feel good about yourself, because positive feedback from others also encourages confidence and self-belief. This inspires positive behaviour.
The five steps in consciously working to self-confidence
Write down your insecurities.
Have realistic expectations of yourself.
Replace negative self-talk with positive encouragement.
Be grateful, because you are not half as bad as you think you are.
Surround yourself with people who encourage the best version of you.
