COVID-19 has not only affected society, friendships and relationships were also put to the test. We spoke to Dr Siya Mjwara, a therapist and wellness coach, and Lerato Moloi, a registered psychological counsellor, about the friendship-related challenges experienced during the pandemic. They explore these hardships as well as how being separated from friends has had a damaging effect on some people.
Staying connected while apart
The impact of COVID-19 led to office spaces and meetings being moved to home environments, and hangouts becoming socially distanced as communication and interactions went digital. On the one hand, going digital came with some perks. However, most people suffered physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Staying connected while staying apart became more challenging as days rolled into weeks, months and years.
How have your friends and family maintained their connections through the pandemic? Dr Siya says some of her clients remained in contact via phone and video calls during COVID-19. ‘Other family members would meditate and pray together during calls. For birthdays, baby showers and other celebrations, some of my friends and family members organised virtual celebrations and drive-throughs. For funerals and memorials many families organised drive-through events, and live streams as well.’ Lerato adds: ‘Social media platforms were one of the tools we used to connect with friends and family. With my mother and sister being in a different province, we connected online nearly every day. Today, this enhanced online culture has become part of our daily routines and stimulated more interactions with friendships near and far.’ According to Forbes Africa, most people used alternative ways to keep communication going, using various available apps and social media, including Instagram and WhatsApp. These are some of the apps people used to stay connected:
Houseparty – Recently shut down, this app enabled group video chats and calls. Users could play games with friends in other countries, view which friends were online or in a call, and could hop in to join at any point.
Zoom – A video communications app that allows group calls from all over the world. This was mainly used for work meetings, though many others used it as an opportunity to link up with groups of friends. During calls, users could exchange texts as well.
TikTok – A short-form video app that shares videos ranging from pranks, food, DIYs, dance, and more. It allows users to simultaneously create their own videos with either their own sound or another user’s sound, while allowing users to engage with one another through shared videos.
Rekindling the friendships that suffered due to the pandemic
The nurturing of a friendship is essential, despite the good, the bad and the bizarre. As many friendships have survived the wrath of the pandemic, there were many others that collapsed.
Tips on how one could rekindle friendships:
Dr Siya: ‘Reach out to your friend and explore how you can best support each other. Be open to the fact that your circumstances might have changed and be mindful that it could take time to recover individually and as friends. If you are willing, get professional advice, discuss it as friends, and agree on a way you would like to approach your therapy journey.’
Lerato: ‘Reflect on what brought your relationship together – think about your friendship’s purpose and the needs you both have. Be intentional about creating time and space to connect. Humans invest time into things that are important to them.’
Rekindling your friendship 101:
Make the first move – Don’t be stubborn. If you truly cherish the friendship you once had, make an effort. Forget about who did not return calls or text back; take the first step and apologise. In taking the first step you are showing that you want to move forward and are allowing your friend to meet you halfway.
Support – Show up. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t spoken for weeks. Show up for your friend, because that is what a good friend does. Providing support should not stem from how frequent your communication has been. Support is the companion to caring.
Gift – A simple gift goes a long way. Whether you send a letter with their favourite chocolates, or a bouquet of flowers, this could be the opportunity to having your friendship bloom again. However, be intentional with your gift and do not expect anything in return; having the friendship rekindled is enough. A friendship is like any relationship: what you sow is what you’ll reap. If you are pruning more than triumphing, there are some things you need to go back and look at. Sift out trial and errors, and you’ll have a friendship victory.
A Healthy Guide To Long- Distance Friendships:
In health, the physical and mental being function together, balancing one another out. Similarly, when looking at friendships, the same applies. The state of both beings needs to be functioning well together.
How do you maintain a healthy long-distance friendship and make it long-lasting?
Dr Siya: ‘Having activities that you do together helps create a bond that serves as security to your friendship. Understanding each other’s love language is important, as well as doing regular check-ins. It does not have to be every day, but establish a routine that works for both of you. Discuss and explore ways to resolve conflict and find a workable problem-solving approach – this will be useful should you come across any misunderstandings.’
Lerato: ‘Friendships are progressive in nature. Therefore, do not assume you know everything there is to know about your friend. Instead, reflect and revisit things you know about each other and, in addition, speak about your goals and aspirations – this will assist you in dealing with the neglected parts of your friendship.
Tips to help you stay connected in long-distance friendships:
Create time – Investing time into friendships is vital. There is nothing worse than needing a friend who is constantly present but absent. With long-distance friendships, make time for your friends, as this allows the friendship to blossom and grow.
Be open – Being open and honest with friends during the pandemic became slightly easier as people were forced to share their feelings without any professional help. This allowed people to see the trust in friendships and it brought about vulnerability, which evidently created a safer space for friends to open up and share things of concern.
Allow space – As the saying goes ‘Too much of a good thing is bad’. Therefore, as time goes by, more and more people allow space in their friendships as it is good and beneficial to both parties. Friends have the opportunity to focus on themselves while being apart, and missing one another is good for the friendship as it enhances the presence of the other friend, and helps you to be grateful when you are together.
Also see:How to make a self-care checklist that works for you
