There are different stages that a couple goes through for the duration of their relationship. The mere fact that they are a couple often means they love each other and enjoy being in each other’s company.
However, there are times when one would wish that their partner must not even touch them, this is referred to as the bristle reaction.
According to the Body and Soul publication, the phrase “bristle reaction” was first used by Vanessa Marin, a licenced sex, family, and marital therapist. She defined it as “you recoil from your partner’s touch.”
Marin explains what causes this reaction and what it means for the relationship. She states that it is often caused by certain programming that the couple operates in when it comes to initiating sex. Vannessa explains that couples that are in their honeymoon phase of dating tend to have a lot of chemistry and intimacy and are very excited to spend time together, “But once the headiness of the early days wears off, and for many couples, sex becomes less frequent, it can be easy to mistake all attempts at physical connection as a precursor to sex, rather than just a form of intimacy.”
The marital therapist further mentioned that many people in relationships who don’t touch much, or see each other, throughout the day, can make the connection that the touch they do experience is loaded, and when they don’t automatically feel that same urge to be intimate, they reject it.
Everyday Health, an online health and wellness publication explains the possible effects the bristle reaction can have on the relationship.
Reduces physical intimacy: According to the health and wellness publication mentioned above, the bristle reaction may result in reduced intimacy and physical contact, which could have an impact on the quality of the relationship. It is said that touch can raise oxytocin levels and is necessary for human comfort, enjoyment, and bonding. Research indicates that although routine affection is linked to decreased touch pleasure, there is a favourable correlation between touch satisfaction and marital quality.
Causes poor communication: According to Jeannelle Perkins-Muhammad, a psychotherapist and licensed family therapist, the bristle may experience resentment or irritation because they are only touched during foreplay. “The woman might believe, for instance, that her husband only touches her when he wants to have sex. They can feel that there is a communication gap between them and their partner, or that their partner doesn’t respect or understand their choices.”
Leads to unfulfilling sex: Jeannelle further claims that in the absence of constructive communication, the bristle reaction may hinder sexual fulfilment. She emphasises that the bristle reaction usually indicates a lack of genuine connection between the couple. “You associate every single touch to, ‘We have to be headed toward sex,’ rather than creating this space where there is true intimacy across the cognitive, emotional, and spiritual levels,” states Jeannelle. Everyday Health also claims that relationships can benefit from increased intimacy and open conversation about one’s preferences and desires. “Sexual communication is positively associated with sexual desire, arousal, and sexual function.”
