The type of relationship a girl has with her mother has the potential to affect her behaviour, influence her self-image and even shape the way she relates to other people. A mother-daughter bond is said to be one of the closest and most profound of humankind. However, not all such relationships are perfect. We explore five traits of a mother that can affect her daughter.
The competitive mother
The competitive mother sees her young self in her daughter and may feel some envy. In wanting to maintain her own youth and vigour, she might find herself employing drastic measures to be the beautiful young girl she sees in her daughter, not realising that appearing as the “hot mamma” or the “cool mamma” can isolate her from her daughter as well as complicate her interactions with other women.
I studied medicine, so should my daughter
So let’s say your mother is the perfect ideal of the exact woman you would like to be some day and she keeps reminding you of how she studied, handled friends, denied boyfriends at your age and has achieved the life she lives today as a result of those choices. This may sound great, but mothers and daughters need to understand that major societal changes occur in-between generations, and what influenced her choices in 1962 will not be the same in 2014. It is a wonderful thing to look up to a mother, but also appreciate your own differences individuals. Mothers can learn a lot about their daughters by encouraging them to express themselves.
The overprotective mother
So your daughter did not get the lead role in her school play and you march to the director, fighting to make him re-cast the role because your girl “surely deserves this”. Although it may be natural to believe that your child is the best, it is unhealthy to treat them like precious eggs and try to create the best external conditions for them because you want to protect them from disappointment or hurt. This behaviour will make your child fragile and unable to stand up for themselves because “mommy always does that for me.”
Mother’s relationships with men
As a mother, your attitude towards men can greatly influence how your daughter perceives men. Therefore, it is very important to be weary of the type of man you bring into your household and also of the way that he treats you. Do not expose your daughter to disrespectful men or even to a variety of men who walk in and out of your kitchen door without any prospects of commitment. Ensure that you set a healthy standard that your girl can use as a guide when choosing a suitable partner for herself.
Mother’s relationships with other women
How do you treat other women around you? This is especially important in relation to the other close women in your life, such as your mother, sisters and friends. If you are generally open and assertive and treat other women with respect, it lays a healthy foundation of interaction for your daughter. Also remember to include your daughter in conversations with the other women in your life so you can gain perspective on the type of girl that she is and also make her feel that she has a voice, even among an older generation. This will instil a level of confidence that will stay with her forever.
