The birth of your first child can test even the rosiest relationship. There is excitement around the new bundle of joy, which is an amazing experience for new parents; however, there are other things that tend to suffer in the relationship while the hype of the new born escalates.
Account executive and new mom Inga Hlatshwayo shares how the experience of being a new mom took a toll on her relationship.
Upon the arrival of the new addition, couples automatically fall under the stresses and strains of parenthood. One partner will tend to feel neglected by the other partner, especially for black couples when the new mother would move in with her own mother for extra support.
The major factor that couples face is lack of support. For the new mother, everything changes as she struggles with the new reality of taking care of the baby. In most cases, new dads will still want to hang out with “the boys” while the wife – as the primary caregiver – feels the pressure alone. It’s actually an envious feeling that as a woman you have given birth, your weight has readjusted itself to places you didn’t think were possible, you’re no longer the Beyoncé of your life and now you’re also breastfeeding. Exhaustion and trying to feel sexy do not quite go hand in hand; and when you look at your partner – he’s still the same person and his clothes fit well. Yes, it sounds dramatic and possibly terrifying, but worse has happened.
Don’t be in despair though; a lot of healthy relationships do overcome the new baby phase. We have come a long way, have pulled together and so can you.
Some ideas on how to remember that you have one another:
Date nights
With Valentine’s Day on Saturday, make the effort to go out as a couple and remind each other why you fell in love and have chosen to stay in love as well as build on that love.
Have time away
Book a getaway at a lodge – some time for each other without the baby can add great value. There are great places you can find that are affordable for Valentine’s Day (and also for the ongoing reconnecting time you will need from time to time)
Appreciate your partner
With the changes in the weight and self-esteem, it would do a world of good to make your partner feel like they really are the only girl in the world and show them this with the little things. Trust me it matters. Get something she will appreciate, do something special for her – and no, you don’t need to break the bank to do this
Acknowledge her achievements
Simple ways of showing appreciation – like buying a card, and showing her that she’s a superwoman and is flawless at the role.
Take turns
Make it a point that you take turns to babysit, so the mother has her much-needed “me time”
Support each other
It takes a partnership approach to raise a baby. At the end of the day, a strong relationship will flourish through tests and tribulations, as long as both people acknowledge each other, their roles in the relationship and remain committed to making sure that they succeed – not only in the parenting aspect but with all other areas of the relationship.
Nothing kills passion more than focusing your energy on the baby and doing nothing for each other. The baby was born out of your love for each other and that shouldn’t be forgotten. You still need to nurture and take care of what produced the baby – which is the two of you.
