Couples who are experiencing the seven-year-itch, tend to disagree with each other more often, they are not as loving towards each other as before and they don’t spend enough time together anymore. They also blame, disrespect and critise each other at almost every opportunity because each partner is more concerned about being right, rather than working together. If you’re going through something similar in your relationship, read on, you may just be able to find some answers.
So, How Did It Get To This Point?
“The first five years of a relationsip are all about pleasing your partner and having the ideal relationship,” explains Pearl Ramotsamai, a relationship counselor at Families South Africa (FAMSA) in Durban. In the beginning of a relationship, you experience the “loving under the influence” (LUI) stage; you have stars in your eyes and you’re so eager to please your partner. You believe he’s the perfect man for you and you make sure that you keep his interest by taking care of yourself and looking good at all times – even when you go to bed. “This is called the honeymoon phase,” Pearl adds.
“But once you’ve settled into the relationship and you’ve had time to really get to know each other, you realise your relationship isn’t as rosy as you thought it was. And now you’re noticing things that never bothered you before like him leaving the toilet seat up, not replacing the toothpaste cap and neglecting his personal hygiene. These things start irritating you and you want to change his behaviour – that’s when the trouble starts,” says Pearl.
SIGNS OF THE SEVEN-YEAR-ITCH
- You are constantly irritable or short-tempered towards your partner. Everything he does irritates you.
- You find yourself wanting to spend more time away from him and you don’t miss him that much when you’re apart. “This should be an indication that something is wrong with your relationship,” advises Pearl.
- The intimacy will decrease. When people are frequently intimate it reassures the other person that they are still on the right track with one another.
- While you were used to doing things together in the past, you now each do your own thing and you are comfortable with it. You may even act like someone who was a prisoner and who is now liberated and want to do your own thing. There’s a distance between you.
HOW TO REMEDY THE SITUATION
Set goals for your relationship
This way you’d be able to see where it’s progressing to or whether it’s stagnant.
Don’t lose touch with each other
You have a different outlook at life and you may not always agree on things, but make a pact with each other that no matter what happens, you will go out on a date once a month, you’ll go on holiday together at least once a year and no matter how broke you are, you will celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day together.
Talk to each other
The worst thing to do when you’re angry is to scream at each other or not talk to each other at all. Be an adult and settle your differences through talking. You may not like what the other person is saying but do try to see his point of view and vice versa.
Find ways to resolve conflict
There should be an agreement on how to deal with conflict or the challenges in your relationship. Discuss this and see how you’ll go about addressing this. If you have kids, agree not to argue in front of them, rather go somewhere private.
Be realistic
Don’t be so blinded by love that you are unable to determine whether you’ve found a good life partner before tying the knot. Do you share the same interests and values? If you feel more anxious than happy in the relationship, you should get out before it’s too late. However, if you decide to commit yourself to the relationship, be aware that a relationship requires work and you’d have to take the bad with the good.
