Falling in love is always exciting and it makes you feel special and cherished. But, what are the small but important signs your partner may be too good to be true? Here’s how to tell if your man is controlling.
By Zama Nkosi
We’ve all been there – you meet a new man, chemistry is in the air and you can’t get enough of him. You miss out on events hosted by friends and family because you want to spend as much time possible with him. Relationship counsellor Thokozile Dlamini says it’s not unusual to want to spend all your time with your man at the beginning of your relationship, however, there’s a thin line between being cooped up with your new love and losing yourself completely to him.
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In isolation. This might sound romantic when you think of it offhand. The two of you spending every waking moment enjoying each other’s company – sounds sweet right? It’s not! One of the warning signs to look out for in a controlling and possibly abusive partner is someone that will try to isolate you. They want to be the only source of influence so the first thing they do is eliminate friends and family from your life.
Generous gent. Who doesn’t love a man who cares by making life a bit easier? He buys you a car and asks you to move in with him, he suggests you quit your job and he can take care of everything you need. Many of us have dreamt of this scenario and there’s nothing wrong with it when the man loves and respects you, but in the hands of a controlling man, generosity can become a weapon of exerting control.
Mr Always Right. A partner who can never own up to mistakes and always pins the blame on you is a no-no. This is a technique to make you doubt yourself and always ask for his affirmation. Men who can never see their faults are often good at making you feel bad about yourself.
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Green with envy. He’s very quick to make sure you know that he doesn’t want men who are not your family around. This might make you feel special at first, but that’s a sign that he is controlling. He might have trust issues and every little encounter has the potential to become a big deal.
Changing the game. When you meet him, he will be showering you with compliments but in time he turns around and starts telling you to change. It’s okay for your partner to have an opinion on many things, but when he starts dictation to you how you should look and what you should do, it becomes dangerous. If you made to feel bad about yourself, your relationship is bordering on abusive.
If you suspect that you are in an abusive relationship with a controlling partner, reach out to a trusted friend or family member and -if you are able to- reach out to a professional such a psychologist.